A Not So Good Girl

My three-year-old daughter drives me crazy with her activities and it is a daily thing in our home. And many a time, to my surprise, what I tell her is, “good girls don’t behave like this.”

Somehow, this “Good Girl” concept got imprinted on her, and she loves to be called a good girl. However, with some magical force or something, her definition of “Good Girl” is different from the so-called societal definition. I am eternally thankful for this.

This reminded me of an incident that happened years ago. It was about 10-11 years ago that Sania Mirza wore a T-shirt with the caption “good girls don't make history.” And as you can imagine, she was criticized like she had committed murder and it was time to punish her for it.

Another time I remember noticing this concept was when I was watching a movie called "The Stepford Wives’. The theme of the movie is about men turning their wives into robots in order to make them the perfect wives. Perfect wives seemed so familiar with the Good Girl concept.

It got me thinking, what the hell is this good girl, and who is she? So, I asked who always asked for help…Google, and here is what Google told me about good girls.

Good Girl: A good girl is to be passive, submissive, and compliant. A good girl won't be solving problems, feeding the homeless, and making the world a better place. She's good by her own twisted definition of good. And anyone who doesn't adhere to her paradigm of goodness is most likely, in her mind, bad.

Every society on this planet has its version of a good girl. The version differs from country to country; however, the undercurrent is the same as what the definition said about good girls.

We love our good girls, but why? Why we are (‘we’ include both genders.) so obsessed with them?

But first, let’s see the common characteristics of Good Girls:

Living for others: The main and the most important characteristic of a Good Girl is that she lives for others; her whole life is devoted to others, especially to her husband and in-laws.

Being what others want you to be: A Good Girl is what others want her to be, especially the men in her life, obedient, submissive, and happy (nothing wrong in being happy, however here happy means looking happy not being), always available to serve others, and the list goes on and on.

“Me” is on the back foot: This is interconnected with the first point; her own self is served at last. She is never her own priority. Even if she looks nice and happy, it’s because to gives comfort to someone else. Not for her own good.

Compelled to behave like this for others' approval: Her behavior is always aimed to please others, and getting their approval, especially from the opposite gender.

She Avoids Drama: A Good Girl hates drama, not because of her personal dislike towards it, but rather to provide comfortable surroundings for men.

She’s Not the Jealous Type: She is never the jealous type, not because she has overcome jealousy. It is just to make sure her man can be comfortable with others, and most importantly, to avoid drama.

She’s All About Compromise: A Good Girl is synonymous with Compromise. Her whole life is a compromise and she is proud of it.

She Takes Pride in Her Appearance: A Good Girl is always aware of her beauty and makes sure she looks nice all the time. Again, this is not because it is her choice, rather makes sure when her man sees her; he sees a beautiful, happy face.

Humour: She has a great sense of humour, never cracks stupid jokes, doesn’t laugh loudly, always has a happy persona, and makes sure to never miss the chance at laughing at her man’s not-at-all funny jokes.

Down-to-Earth: Good Girls are down to earth, even if she is a rocket scientist. Now being Down-to-Earth is not a bad quality, however, for a good girl, the reason is not to come across overachiever or over-educated to her male counterpart.

She keeps only positive, uplifting people in her life: Now, last but definitely not the least, A GOOD GIRL IS A ROBOT. She is all positive, doesn’t have a single shred of negativity, is always happy, loving, serving, compromising, and definitely not a human.

Now back to the main question, why do we love our good girls?

The answer is simple; in a male-dominated society (created by both men and women) a Good Girl serves men's need to feel superior and comfortable (and many more, directly or indirectly). And who doesn’t like to be served?

Lastly, I want to finish with a thought…