Now the point is, we all talk about female stereotypes, we all fight it in our own way (I hope we all do). But face it, female stereotypes are the real issue, but we also need to address the other elephant in the room, the male stereotypes. They are so interconnected that we can’t move forwards without addressing both issues.

According to various analysts and researchers, male characters fall within a range of stereotypes. 

The most popular stereotypes of male characters are:

The Joker: The funny who no one takes seriously, he is there just for the comic relief, most importantly, no girl wants to date him.

The Jock: He is athletic, muscular, date the sexiest girl, is usually dumb, and sucks at studies.

The Strong Silent Type: He exudes strength by taking action without expressing or worrying about their emotions. He loves to deny his emotions and feelings. Denial is his poison. 

The Big Shot: These are the people who think they are mighty or they are acting like they are better than everybody else when in reality they are not.

The Action Hero: This is the one with a savior complex. It’s his job to save someone, especially a girl. We see them everywhere with their inflated muscles and egos. 

The Buffoon: Commonly described as a bungling father figure. They are usually well-intentioned and light-hearted, however completely hopeless when it comes to parenting, dealing with domestic or career issues.

However, when we dig dipper, one common theme in all the stereotypes are “be a man, suck it up,”

Let us see what are the most common male stereotypes:

Vulnerability: The biggest stereotyped male behaviour is showing Vulnerability. Hey are suppose to be the MAN, can’t ask for help, can’t show fear, he will not express his love, in short, a robot with muscles.

And when they actually ask for help, they have penalized for the challenge of this notion.

Emotions (Sadness): The only emotion a man is allowed to show is his anger. In various cultures, men are socialized to be stoic.

And when they show any other emotion other than anger they are showed with amazing adjectives like being pussy.

Love for Sports: Men are supposed to love sports, especially the aggressive ones, like rugby, football, basketball.

Control their woman: A man have to be in control of his home, especially his wife. If one can’t control their wife, it’s a big shame.

Modesty: Men are expected to be proud of their achievements. Research shows that men who were more modest about their qualifications were evaluated as less likable.

Now, what we can do about it…

The simplest answer here is to teach our children to be more compassionate to everyone, celebrate men who dare to express their emotions, broaden gender stereotypical roles, most importantly do not gender police.

Let’s start this discussion with the wise words of Nelson Mandela,

“We slaughter one another in our words and attitudes. We slaughter one another in the stereotypes and mistrust that linger in our heads, and the words of hate we spew from our lips.” 

I am taking my blog to the next level with Blogchatter’s #MyFriendAlexa.

TheBeachcleanupclub (Silent volunteers): Thebeachcleanupclub club was started by 3 friends (Ramesh, Jitesh, Satyanand Prasad).

It all started when they went to the beach a day and got really annoyed with the plastic been piled up all over. Instead of blaming the government or the people around, they thought why don't we clean up the beach whenever it is possible for each of us.

The idea eventually transformed into weekend cleanup drives. It was a great thought working for nature, for the just two hours of our weekends.

Mission:
We need to create awareness in people in terms of why the waste is been pumped up on the shore, 70% of the plastic which is been filled on the shore is from the drainage which dumps the wastewater to the beach along with the plastic waste. We need to educate people not to throw plastic waste like (Milk packets, oil packets, and other plastics) into the drainage in front of their houses, instead, they can store them and give them to GVMC people or to any recycling organizations so that they can make eco-products out of it.

We urge people around,
“We all live in this Mother Earth and we are responsible for the things we are doing around. Every single conscious initiative we take towards plastic usage would really make this world a beautiful place" 

Vision:
TheBeachcleanupclub is not an organization or an NGO, we are a bunch of friends who took this decision to do better things for this Mother Nature.

We would love to expand our wings towards different activities like planting trees, educating children on this, etc. that way we all are going to make a huge difference to our environment.

And just like that, I am part of a group which actually is making a difference in their small way.

We clean various beaches in Vizag.

I made a very good friend name Srikant, he is kind of crazy like me. While cleaning, we chat all the time.

Apart from him, there is Ananda, who is super good at cleaning. Rosy, beauty with brain and I am pulling her legs all the time.  Ramesh, he is so serious all the time. Jitesh, he is so dedicated with some crazy hair.

We have collected at least 2000 beer bottles (I had no idea people drink so much), more than a ton of plastics, and many more items.

To sum it up, all I can say is, this is the very first time in my life, I look forward to waking up early in the morning that is also on weekends. This is a big improvement for a lazy-ass person like me. I look forward to the Sundays, meeting fellow beach cleaners, and continue making a difference in my tiny way.

Happy Cleaning

I researched a lot about Tarot on the internet between the day I first felt myself attracted to a Tarot Deck and the day I bought my Tarot deck. And as you know, Google can be like going down a ‘Rabbit Hole’ especially if it a subject you know very little about.

I scrounged the internet for as much info as I could and tried out most of them before deciding what really worked for me. And today I am going to share them with you with a note that do what I did – take what resonates with you, and what works for you from this.

1) Let’s bust some myths:

- Tarot cards are Magic/Evil -> Tarot Decks do not have magical powers – good or bad. They are just pretty and colourful cards that have stories in them. The cards do not control or decide anyone’s life! It is the readers who bring in their own intuition to read the cards and decide what stories to tell and how to tell them. 

- You have to be a psychic to read Tarot Cards -> You don’t have to be a Psychic. All you need is your intuition. We are all born with a healthy dose of intuition – it is only a matter of developing it.

2) Choosing a Deck:

If you are choosing to learn Tarot because a deck called to you, then you already have this covered. But if that is not the case with you, I would advice you to check out multiple decks and see which one calls to you. Most decks have a ‘wow’ factor with beautiful artwork, and you need to remember to see beyond that. You’ll know it when you feel the pull, let your intuition guide you there. If you know someone who has multiple decks, check out theirs. Otherwise, you can also check out walkthrough and review videos of various decks on Youtube. 

And in case you are still unsure, here are some good beginner decks for your consideration:

The Original Rider-Waite deck is considered to be the best deck for beginners. And, for most part I agree with it because the deck has an amazing amount of details and comes with a quite clear instruction booklet.

The Light Seer's Tarot by Chris-Anne has a beautiful design where the artwork and depiction is different from that of Rider-Waite, but the cards follow the Rider-Waite concept.

Gilded Tarot Royale by Ciro Marchetti and Barbara Moore is an amazingly illustrated tarot that is both rich in its illustrations and symbolism making it easier to connect with them.

3) Handling and Maintaining Your Tarot Deck:

You need to cleanse your deck once after buying it and before starting to use it. It is also advisable to cleanse it between readings for different people and in general. Some common ways to cleanse your deck is using incense, sage you clear the energies around your Tarot. You can also leave them out in the open on full moon nights. You can also use crystals for the same.

Please keep your Tarot stored in a non-cluttered area. You can keep them in their boxes or in velvet pouches or covered in scarves to ensure that the energies are not disturbed. Black cloth or pouches are best in order to stop the cards being disturbed by external energies.

4) Connecting with Your Deck:

Handle your deck every day. Read them every day, shuffle them and in general keep them close to you. Some even suggest sleeping with the cards under your pillow in the early days. As we have learned, Tarot cards do not have any power of their own – it is your intuitive energy that helps you read them. As such, it is important that you deal with them as much as possible – especially in the beginning.

5) Learning Tarot:

Everyone has their own way of connecting and learning Tarot. In the following days, I am going to share my learnings with you all and would absolutely love it if you join me. But it is important to remember that no two people have same personality or the same learning style. So, it very well maybe that you will discover your own method of studying the cards. But few points to keep in mind are:

- Memorising the keywords is not enough. At the beginning, memorising the keywords associated with each card may be helpful, or even the only way for you to progress in your learning. But eventually it won’t be enough. So, even if you begin by memorising the keywords, take time to connect with the cards and see how each keyword is represented in the card. Only then will you be able to tell the stories that they are capable of telling.

- Always learn from 2-3 or more sources. While each card has a set of keywords, experienced Tarot readers develop their own way of interpreting not only individual cards, but also connecting the cards to make sense of a reading. All the different perspectives can help you see things more clearly and develop your own style.

I hope that this was informative for you. Next week, I will share a secret about how to find yourself in the cards and then we will delve into learning the cards one by one.

“But I can feel your love, as strong as mine” – Arjun B

প্রেম আসলে ছন্নছাড়া,
দৌড়ে বেড়ায় এদিক ওদিক,
শূন্য মন ভরায় যে,
সেই আমার তখন প্রেমিক।

A loose translation...

Love is aimless, roaming around all day. Whoever can fill the vacuum of my heart, is my love for the time being.

Love is Misleading affliction: Gautama Buddha said we love because we are trying to satisfy our basic desires of companionship. However, our passionate cravings are defects, and the end attachment even if it is romantic love, results in a great source of suffering.

Love lets us reach beyond ourselves: French philosopher Simone de Beauvoir proposed that love is the desire to be one with another and it supposes to infuse our lives with meaning.

She advised to love authentically; it is more like a great friendship. Like a mutual support system, each other in discovering themselves, reaching beyond themselves, and enriching their lives as well as the world, together.

Though it is literally impossible to know why we fall in love, one thing is certain that it’ll be an emotional rollercoaster ride. 

We lose ourselves. 

We find ourselves. 

It might end in heartbreak or the best thing in life. 

Hence, the moral of the story, love is the pain and is the cure and we humans are powerless in front of it. 

“I cannot let you burn me up, nor can I resist you. No mere human can stand in a fire and not be consumed.” A.S. Byatt

 

Photo by Athena from Pexels

Girl;

If one can get paid to watch TV shows (not daily saas-bahu shows), I would be a multi-millionaire. This love affair started with Vampire Diaries; we are still passionate lovers even after 10 years. 

Disclaimer Alert: I am in no way claiming these are the best shows ever made or other shows are not good. All I want to say is that these are my favourites.

Without any delay, let’s talk about my favourite TV Series:

Modern Family: Modern Family is about three families from California trying to deal with their kids, quirky spouses, and jobs in their own unique ways.

It was a summer evening around 7 years back and I was lazily surfing the internet and came across this show. And voila; I am was in love right from the first episode of the first season. 

My most favourite episode is the Punkin Chunkin from season 3. 

And the most favorite quote from the show is….

“There are dreamers and there are realists in this world. You'd think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists, but more often than not the opposite is true. You see, the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun.”

Person of Interest: Former CIA agent Reese, now presumed dead; and billionaire software genius Finch join forces as a vigilante crime-fighting team. 

Though this show was started in 2011 and ended in 2016, I saw it in 2019. And to my surprise, I loved it so much that I binged watched 103 episodes. There are very few shows where all the seasons are well made, this is one of them. 

My favourite quote from the show is….

"Maybe it's up to me to do what the good people can't. Or maybe there are no good people. Maybe there are only good decisions."

Law & Order: SUV: A special victims unit of NYPD detectives solve sexual assault, child abuse, and rape cases based on real crimes. 

This show is on its 22nd season and I have seen all the episodes of all 22 seasons. This is one of the shows which is still able to hold its good storyline even after so many episodes. 

My favourite quote from the show is….

“Some things, you can put them behind you…but they do change you.”

Evil: Psychologist Kristen Bouchard reluctantly works together with David Acosta, a priest in training, to investigate and find a logical explanation for every supernatural occurrence within the Church.

This show gives an X-Files vibe and I love the grey area it’s exploring. And I love Mike Colter. 

My favourite quote from the show is….

“There’s no such thing as good and evil, black and white. There’s only gray. There’s only what a man can stand.”

Billions: This Showtime drama pits billionaire hedge-fund manager Bobby opposite the U.S. Attorney for New York. 

This show is a character study. All the characters are very well written and well developed. 

My favourite quote from the show is….

“Get good at letting go, which is a different kind of freedom.”

Hannibal: Based on the Thomas Harris novels “Red Dragon” and “Hannibal,” brilliant forensic psychologist/cannibalistic serial killer Hannibal Lecter.

This show portrays serial killing like art and I simply loved it (FYI, I am not a serial killer, not even one in making).

My favourite quote from the show is….

“An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is a normal behaviour.”

Mindhunter: This crime drama follows two FBI agents who essentially write the book on criminal profiling in the late 1970s by interviewing serial killers. 

Well, I am fascinated by serial killers and this show is brilliant, to say the least. This show is based on a time when the “Serial Killer” term was not even coined.

My favourite quote from the show is….

"We're All Our Own Prisons. We Are Each Our Own Wardens. We Do Our Own Time. Prison Is In Your Mind."

Honorable Mentions: 

The Handmaid's Tale, Prison Break, 24, Mad Men, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, The Family Man, Dark, House of Cards, Paatal Lok, American Crime Story, Ted Lasso, Sherlock, The Americans, and many more. 

Happy Watching

Not so long ago, there was an advertisement where a girl gets rejected from an air hostess’s institution for being too dark-skinned. And her father decided to take revenge. He made some sort of cream which made her skin fair.

And...bingo...she got the job. I think in the subtext, she even marries the company’s CEO.

And I have another one, this one is from last year.

The most talented Kiara Advani (the brilliant actress from Kabir Singh, who took her acting fee for a silent role and no acting) suggesting another girl use some fairness cream, and hence become worthy of “Kala Tika”. Apparently, it is not needed for dark skin people.

I am not criticizing advertisements; I just wish that life was that easy. If only having a fair skin tone could solve all your problems in life. Unfortunately, life is much more difficult, complex.

Hence, let’s talk about shadeism.

According to Baba Google,

“Discrimination based on skin colour, also known as colourism, or shadeism is a form of prejudice and/or discrimination in which people who share similar ethnicity traits or perceived race are treated differently based on the social implications that come with the cultural meanings that are attached to skin colour.”

In simple words, if you are fair life is better for you in some ways and if you have dark skin, only God can help you.

Here are a few examples of how shadeism works.

➨ I have heard multiple times in my life that my parents have to give a lot of dowry in order to get me married. Unfortunately, my husband didn’t even receive a penny. That’s what you get when you marry a feminist, no money and a lot of opinions.

➨ Between me and my hubby, I am comparatively lighter skin. When my daughter was born someone gave a compliment… well she thought it is a compliment that my daughter is lucky not to have her father’s skin colour. I was about to kill her (hormones), then I thought; I can’t survive in jail, and ended up telling her to fuck off in the most subtle way possible.

➨ In the recent past, someone called me exotic. Disclaimer alert, it’s not my husband, we are married for 7 years, adjective games are over between us. Well, back to the topic, here exotic is not at all a compliment. It is a subtle way to say you are dark yet fuckable.

The examples will never end, not for me, and not for any other dark skin person.

Now the question is, why?

The most simplified way to describe this is...

“In India, the words for fair and beautiful are synonymous”.

Most of the research suggests,  shadeism have their roots in slavery and colonialism. We Indians were ruled by fair-skinned Britishers (so-called civilized folks) for around 200 years. Even after the end of colonialism, this idea has been deeply entrenched into our minds, hence society. The concept that fair is equal to superior is so much ingrown in our mind that, it became practically impossible to overcome. This is the bitter truth even today, where George Floyd got murdered because of his skin colour. 

This is the unfortunate truth of our society. 

Hence the final thought, what needs to be done? 

It is as simple and as difficult at the same time – we need to unlearn that black is a bad concept. And teach the same to our children.

In the end, what Martin Luther King, Jr. said…

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of their skin, but by the content of their character.”