Anicca

Mrs. B said these words with so much confidence and conviction that for moment I could not wonder but thought…

“Is she my master or something, that is telling me what to and what not to wear? At the same time, she is so generous to give me the permission to wear whatever I want to wear indoors.”

Again, who gets to decide what is revealing? In Afghanistan, wearing a Burka which does not cover your face is revealing. At the same there are beaches in the world where walking naked is not revealing.

This answer didn’t impress her. Rather it made her only more eager to prove her point that what I wear, I wear it to get negative attention (read sexual attention) from men.

Hence, she came at me with her big guns.

“Somewhere a four-year girl got raped by the milk man because her mom wore short clothes and the milk man couldn’t rape the mom, so he raped the little girl and killed her.”

WOW, I did NOT have a response to that. It is like my actions will cause something so horrible to my daughter that I can’t even imagine it even in my worst nightmare. And someone actually said this out loud. 

Should I cry because of the pain she caused me or tell her to fuck off?

I don’t know what to do. I am numb. I left the premise.

After I reached home, my immediate response was immense anger. After I had calmed down, I realized what she was trying to do. She was trying to SLUT-SHAME me.

Slut-Shaming

Slut-shaming is the practice of criticizing people, especially women and girls, who are perceived to violate expectations of behavior and appearance regarding issues related to sexuality. The term is used to reclaim the word slut and empower women and girls to have agency over their own sexuality.

I know exactly why she was doing this, point to point, but this is not about her, it’s about all of the people who think it’s their birth right to slut shame others, especially girls.

Some Basic examples of slut shaming

Blaming the girl:

Mocking someone else’s sexual practices because to you, they are “weird.”:

Assuming a girl is only dressing up to impress guys:

Why Someone slut shame others

How to stop Slut Shaming

"I use my talent AND my sexuality all the time because I choose to. Women can be sexual AND talented. Naked and dignified. It’s OUR choice," - Ariana Grande

I have been dealing with stress related health issues since 2018. It led to lack of energy, metabolism issues and hairfall. In 2019, both my mental and physical health took a bigger hit - to a point where both my kidney & liver took a big hit and I had to be on bed rest for three straight months. 

With control diet, loads of medicine, high water intake and a lot of rest, My physical health recovered. But some things are not that easy to regain and my hair is one of them. The overall quality (and quantity) of my hair took such a hit, that I practically gave up on it and cut it as short as I could. I tried quite a few products and even home remedies that showed no long term results.

When Deyga Organics approached me for a product review, I gladly accepted. But, I must also put a disclaimer here - that I kept my expectations low. I know that it wasn't going to be that easy and I certainly wasn't expecting a miracle cure that would give me Rapunzel hair overnight.

The first thing to know about the products is neither the hair oil nor the hair serum come with any directions on the bottle. So, it was completely up to me to decide how to use it. And after months of trying different regimes that came with stringent requirements - from how to use it to when to use it to how long to keep them on to how to wash it off - it was both liberating and a bit stupefying! 

Things to note:

I would like to thank Deyga Organics for sending me these 2 products in exchange for an honest review. There is no monetary incentive involved.

As the sobs wreaking through her body subsided, the tears in her eyes finally dried up. Brishti closed her puffed and stingy eyes as she tried to find a comfortable position on the cold, hard bed she had been curled up on for the last couple of hours. Her mind drifted off to those early days of her college life when she had spent an inordinate amount of time noticing and taking in everything he would do.

At the beginning he was just a part of her new group of friends at college. He was no different in her eyes from the other boys in the group or in the college for that matter. It was his unparalleled sense of humour that had caught her attention at first. He could take as much as he could dish out. Then came bunking classes, playing pranks and taking long walks into the natural beauty of the hills, Then she had unknowingly started to pay attention to his likes and dislikes in everything ranging from music to food. She started noticing how he was always there to bail his friends out of trouble, how he would be there to support his friends when they needed someone to talk to or just someone to sit quietly with. He would scramble down the dangerous slopes just to pick a flower that someone liked with the same enthusiasm as he would spend hours cooped up in a room to help someone understand the latest assignment from class.

Even today, she could not point out the exact moment when she had fallen in love with Akash. But she knew that it had to be at some point before she had divulged her darkest secrets to him one night over the phone. Instead of saying how disgusted he was of her, he had told her of his fears. They had both cried in the privacy of their rooms, miles apart but connected by modern technology. She wasn't sure whether they had cried because of their personal fears or for the pain of the other. All she knew that she had felt both light and heavy in her heart at the same time. The fact that her secrets had not driven him away from her had made her heart feel lighter than it had been in years. Yet there was also a new ache -- for her dear friend. Something had changed between them that night.

Now she could not help but wonder if that was also the moment she had turned blind to everything else that should have made her uncomfortable.

Over the next couple of years they had been happy like none other in this world. They had hardly ever fought and their love had only seemed to grow. They weathered through the rough patches in their individual lives together. They even survived when times demanded physical distance of hundreds of miles between them. They celebrated their little triumphs and assured each other that time would only increase and mature their love for each other. After all they would always be friends first in their hearts. Their happiness had known no bounds and the people around them started to brand them as the 'Sweetest' or the 'Perfect' Couple. She remembered having so much faith and trust in him that she had fought for him when time had demanded, even against her dearest ones. She remembered standing up for him when somebody showed less faith in him. She could still remember experiencing that giddy feeling, the butterflies in her stomach and the out of body experiences that she had only read about in books before.

She had heard the old saying that "Love is blind and Marriage is the eye opener" about a million times before and had always taken it as a joke. But something happened even before her marriage that made her wonder if it was a joke at all. For her all it had taken was both the families getting involved and them getting engaged. On one of the most important days of her life, when she had needed his support the most, he had let her down by not sparing even a thought about her. After knowing everything about her and her life, he had left her standing alone, to fend for herself when she was most vulnerable. She did not know how she had managed to smile and go about performing her duties as expected from her back then, but finding herself alone had made her stop and take a look around. That was when she had realized how blind she had been. The man who had promised to be her friend for life had never really kept his word. Her love for him had made her blind to all the instances he had invaded her life and had let her down in the past. For the first time she had stopped to take stock of all the times she had given into him because of her blind need to give him and to make him happy.

Still it had been too late for her. She did not want to create a scandal by breaking off her engagement. She could handle the heat and the pointing fingers, but she was afraid of the hurt it would cause her mother. A mother who had given up so much for her, who had truly been her true friend and the one person she had spent so much time convincing that he was the one for her. She could not bring herself to do the one thing that would free her from a lot of suffering but would shatter her mother's dreams, hurt her and leave her only caretaker to face the aftermath of the scandal. She had then talked herself into continuing the relationship, convincing herself that it was the right thing to do - at least for the sake of her mother.

Once reality broke through the illusion of her perfect love, she thought that she was ready to face the consequences of her follies. Surely now that she knew what to expect and what not to expect, she couldn't possibly be disappointed any further. But as if her realizing the truth was what he had been waiting for, his new promises increased as much as his deception. Every time she built a wall around her, he stripped her out her defenses even further. And for the last couple of months, it had come down to maintaining a perfect facade as much for the sake of peace at home as much for the outsiders. She tried her best to take care of her duties and responsibilities to the best of her capabilities and still take that extra step to take care of his needs, hoping that someday he would return her love with something more than empty words and promises. But every time she had been the first and only one to fall for the facade and set Herself up for more disappointments and heartaches.

After being together for over a decade, having her heart broken and trampled on she still tried to work it out with him. No matter what the latest reason she had come up with and convinced herself of, deep down she knew that she still loved him. No matter how many times she tried to explain her heart that she should hate him for putting her through hell, she knew that she still loved him. She did not know how or why, but she knew that she would always love him.

Finally feeling comfortable, Brishti promised herself for what seemed to be the hundredth time, that this would be the last time she would cry herself to sleep over him and let her tired body and mind succumb to sleep in the spare bedroom of their flat. Her last conscious thought was that her love for Akash was something like Nicotine Addiction. Once you got addicted, your body and mind craved for it. And even though you knew that it is harmful for you, it was damn hard to give up.

Source: Candy Cigarette by Sally Mann (Conscientious)

I know that look… I know that you are judging me right at this moment. See, if I care… Once upon a time, I would have cared but now I don’t. Not any more.

I was once like you – pure and innocent.  But I did not have a childhood like yours. Nor did I have the choices that you did. My life has been different from the very beginning. Why you ask? I do not know as I do not see any difference between you and me. I see the same heart and the same blood in both of us. We breathe in the same air and walk on the same earth. The same things hurt us and the same things bring us joy. Yet, my life is different from yours. Why you ask? Truthfully, I do not know.

People tell me it is because I dared to be born as a girl child in a family that craved only for a son. I was just a mistake conceived in a flurry of passion and regretted from the moment of my birth. No one cared that my sex was not my choice. No one cared that at I had the same need for attention and affection. No one cared that I can work just as hard and love even more. My younger brother was nourished and cherished, while I learnt to live on one meal a day – sometimes on even less. I was reminded every day that he was strong while I was weak. That my brother would grow up, earn and look after my parents while I would grow up and would need to be married off at the cost of a heavy dowry. I would always drain their blood and money. When my family could not afford the basic necessities, they sold off their only liability, me, in exchange for a meagre amount of cash that would keep their hunger at bay for a month. My cries and pleas did not move my parents. I was just a burden they were getting rid of.

From the age of six, I have been trained in every way possible to be successful at my trade. After all, I had to work off my family’s debt. I was only a little girl – fighting back wasn't an option. So, I learned the tricks and did my job even though it made me sick and hurt my insides. While numerous men enjoyed my flesh and ravaged my body, it did not matter if I wanted it or liked it or hated it – it was my job and I had to do it. I know you think that girls like me are in this business because it is an easy way to earn money or because it is pleasurable. But let me assure you that being beaten, whipped, tortured or used as an ashtray just to satisfy some sadistic need is neither a short cut nor is it pleasurable. Unlike you, I was not taught not to smoke or drink; instead it became my only escape. I felt violated, I felt trapped and I felt choked in my life but no one cared. Once again, my pleas for help fell on to deaf ears – I was yet to justify my existence.

It took me some time but I finally realized something… It doesn't matter whether anyone cared or not because no one can see beyond my flesh. You cannot see the pain in my eyes or the hurt in my heart or the broken dreams. It does not matter to you that I did not have the childhood I deserved or the love and affection that was my birth right. I do not deserve the prejudice you have against me and I do deserve the same respect as you. I warrant the same chance at happiness and the same encouragement to chase my dreams.

Did you ever stop to wonder who I am?

I am little girl with an old soul. My experiences have aged me far more than my years on this earth. I am a woman who is beyond any care in the world. After years of crying and begging, I know not to expect warmth or understanding or even a spare thought. So, why should I care for those who have always turned their backs and blind eyes away from me? I am a gentle spirit who has been pushed around for far too long. I am done being treated as a burden or a liability. I am tired of justifying my existence with every breath I take. I am just another human being who has been on the edge and back. My dreams and desires have been broken so many times, yet my soul and spirit survives.

I am the uncensored reflection of most women you know. Some trade in their freedom and some trade in their emotions. Some do it voluntarily and some do it involuntarily. Some do it in the name of love, some in the name of marriage and some do it in the name of family. All those little things that you take for granted from them, all those little compromises you expect them to make – brings her a step closer to what I unabashedly am. Every time you think she is weak, every time you try to suppress her, every time you take her choices away – you make her a little more like me. Crush her innocence, crush her dreams, crush her aspirations – she just gets a step closer to where I am.

I know that look… I know that you are judging me right at this moment. See, if I care… Once upon a time, I would have cared but now I don’t. Not any more. 

So, judge me all you want – for my actions and for the choices You think I have made. It does not matter because you are merely judging the piece of flesh that you see. 

15. The Devil

The Devil is the card of indulgences and material pleasure. When The Devil appears, it urges you to take a look at the feel good factors in your life and pay attention to whether they are actually good for you. In case the card pops up when you are feeling low, it may be a sign that a little fun may be exactly what you need.

For The Fool's next lesson in his journey, he needs to realise that The Devil isn't an outside influence. It is the little voice within us that makes us a slave to the material world and often lead us to ignorance and hopelessness. The power to overcome it is also within us.

Keywords:

Upright – Attachments, Restrictions, Commitment, Limitations
Reverse – Breaking Free, Quitting, Hitting Rock Bottom, Broken agreements and Commitments.

16. The Tower

Tower is the card for shock and Chaos. Something unexpected and surprising could shake up your beliefs, assumptions and the things you took for granted. Drastic changes are required.

The Fool realizes that sometimes a shock is exactly what one needs when they are too comfortable in their life not realising that people, things and situations in his life aren't actually serving him anymore. Time to make drastic changes.

Keywords:
Upright – Sudden Shock, Destruction, Questioning Beliefs, Chaos
Reverse – Warning, Mounting Pressure, Ongoing Chaos, Stubbornness

17. The Star

The Star is the card of hope, peace and Renewal. It brings optimism for a fresh start. It urges you to do what is practically required of you in the moment, but also continue dreaming of what an ideal future looks like to you.

After his entanglements with The Devil and The Tower, The Star brings in a serene calm for The Fool. He is now optimistic and feels the need to share his optimism for those around him. The Fool discovers the peace after a storm.

Keywords:

Upright – Optimism, Renewal, Boundlessness, Peace
Reverse – Hope without Action, Unethical Healer, Pessimistic Outlook

18. The Moon

The Moon is the card of darkness, illusion and the unconscious. It is time to let go the last bit of pretence and confront what you fear.

The peace after the storm can also be a deceiving feeling if there are things that you have not confronted from your past experiences. The Fool's lesson from this card is to take stock of everything around him and within him to be able to pick up on and false illusions that he still may be carrying with him.

Keywords:

Upright – The Unconscious, The Shadow Self, Confusion, Dreams, Intuition
Reverse – Denial, repressed emotions, Projecting onto Others

19. The Sun

The Sun is the card of light. It urges you to reveal and share your true feelings and emotions. It is also a time to celebrate and aligning yourself with your authentic self.

With this card, The Fool finally understand that no challenge is too much. He can face anything as long as he draws from his experiences and lessons to understand exactly how great his own capabilities are and is confident about them.

Keywords:

Upright – Enthusiasm, Clarity, Personal Growth, Self Acceptance
Reverse – Afraid to Shine, Burnout, Painful Truth, Attention Seeking

20. Judgement

Judgement is the card of drastic change, review and release. This is the one last reminder that change is inevitable and continuous. It urges you to look objectively at what has come before and measure up your success and failure to learn from them. Be honest.

The Fool now needs to make the final Judgement about his life. Now that he has shed his false ego and is more equipped to see and accept himself for who truly is, he needs to decide what to shed and what to keep with him to move forward.

Keywords:
Upright – Rite of Passage, Mature, Review, Transition
Reverse – Refusing to Change, Feeling Stuck, Numbness, Feeling Judged, Being Judgemental

21. The World

This card brings in an ending and a new beginning. It urges you to move beyond your own personal quest and think in terms of what you can give back to the world.

This card brings The Fool's Journey to a full circle as his current journey ends and he is ready to take on a new adventure. What kind of journey will he take on next?

Keywords:
Upright – Integration, Completion, Options, Wholeness, Connection
Reverse – Overwhelmed, Difficulty Finishing, Clinging to Past

That is it! We have now covered the Major Arcana through The Fool's Journey. We have certainly covered your Soul/Personality/Shadow Card today if we hadn't done it before. Did it resonate with you?

Shall we take a break and take time to get more acclimated with the Major Arcana cards? Or would you like a round up? Or shall we move on to Minor Arcana. Leave your intentions in the comment section.

QOTD: What is your main takeaway from The Fool's Journey. Which Major Aracana card did you feel most & least drawn to?

I am taking my blog to the next level with Blogchatter’s #MyFriendAlexa.

I am a typical Bheto Bengali. Food and I go hand in hand. It’s mutual love, we both love each other. I love to cook and eat and the food loves to be eaten by me.

I left Kolkata in 2009. However, no matter where I am, I try to find food like Kolkata. Most of the places disappoint me; still, I am always able to find something tasty to eat.

I am here in Vizag for the last three years, and was able to find some food joints that I love.

Disclaimer: I am in no way claiming these are the best places to eat or make the best food or the other places do not offer good food. All I want to say is they are my favourite.

The Chaiwala in front of SFS State Board Gate:

Kolkata Roll Centre:

The Momowala in front of Bay View Hotel:

Upland Bistro:

Cafe Military:

Soda Paniwala:

Samosa from Sea Pearl:

 What’s your Poison... She asked me

I replied, Pain

She seems disappointed with my answer.

I asked, 

What’s yours?

She said...Love

Looking at my own reflection, I enquired, 

How can it be? Aren’t we the same.

She smiled and said......NO

I am taking my blog to the next level with Blogchatter’s #MyFriendAlexa.

So, did you guys read my last post ‘How would you like to discover yourself in the cards?’ and did you look up your personality, soul and shadow cards? And did they truly resonate with you?

Traditional Tarot decks – like The Rider-Waite deck, have 78 cards. 22 Major Arcana cards and 56 Minor Arcana cards, with 4 suits of 14 cards each. The Major Arcana represents major incidents, situations and learning curves of your life while the Minor Arcana cards deals with the everyday trials, tribulations, and situations of your everyday life.

The Major Arcana cards appear in your reading when you need to stop, take a moment, and pay attention to the theme in your life and the lesson that life is offering you. They also set the ‘scene’ for a reading and let the Minor Arcana cards add some more important details and some shades that relate to the bigger picture that the Major Arcana is painting.

Today, we will take on the Fool’s Journey to study the Major Arcana cards. The Fool’s Journey is a story that we can tell in order to help us get a glimpse into each Major Arcana making it easier to understand the set.

The first card in the Major Arcana is ‘0. The Fool’

1. The Magician

2. The High Priestess

3. The Empress

4. The Emperor

5. The Hierophant

6. The Lovers

QOTD: Have we covered your Soul/Personality/Shadow Card today? If yes, what impressions do you have of your cards so far?