Monday, 13 March 2023

Home - #MondayBlogs

Priyanka March 13, 2023 1 Comments

The light is what guides you home, the warmth is what keeps you there. - Ellie Rodriguez

A messy hair bun, a laptop, an overused notepad, a mobile with a Joker back cover, and a blue pen, this has been my life for the last 3 years. No matter where I am, these treasures never leave me to take a hard day alone or to smile with me on the sunny ones.

I am sitting on my bed, thinking about squeezing in some workout (well, thinking about it for the last 5 years, still haven’t started) while a familiar face is smiling at me. Mr. Khan (The King Khan), has been there on my wardrobe for as long as I could remember, and he has never failed to make me feel good about myself, even on those days, when I can’t even get out of bed.

This bed, this wardrobe with Shahrukh pic on it, used to be my home, not my room, but home. However, last few years, there is a thought in the back of my mind, hiding in the dark corner, peeping from time to time.

And finally decided to address it head-on.

Where is my Home?

Since I could remember, the room, I had in our old, dampy, half-broken railways quarter was my world. I had an old radio. I used to listen to Radio-Mirchi nonstop on it. My favorite show was when they used to play old Hindi songs (I forgot the show's name). I loved that tiny corner beside the radio, listening to songs, dreaming of dreams, and hoping for a place of my own to call HOME.

That dampy room was the witness to all my firsts, endless chatter with friends, my first journaling, first love, first heartbreak, my exams, sleepless night, and on and on.

And then the inevitable came, I left my hometown; Kolkata, to pursue my MBA in Hyderabad. I stayed in college hostels, and working women’s hostels, and shared a flat with roommates. But never, ever, I felt at home.

Then I got married, and rented beautiful flats for living, still, what was the thing missing…I still couldn’t figure it out. It’s like…

I have been to the unknown and felt most lost when I reached home.

No matter how comfy the bed is, and how familiar the faces were, I was not home. I have taken deep dives into the darkest corners of my mind, yet could never find an answer to the ever-haunting question…where is home?

I am still looking for my home, and I have no idea….

what is it or where is it or never the less who it is?

Over the years I have realized, my home was that corner beside the old shabby radio, my home was the salty torn bedsheet, the picture of Shahrukh.

What I have been looking for, for the last 13 years is not an address, but rather a warm cozy hug from you (Who are you?) to drench my soul with love.

The teenage girl, in that homey little corner, with stars and moon in her eyes listening to “yeh tera ghar, yeh mera ghar”, will not stop, until she finds her home, no matter where it is or who it is.

“I am homesick for a place I am not sure ever exists. One where my heart is full. And my soul is understood. I am homesick for you my LOVE”

Monday, 27 February 2023

Too Much - #MondayBlogs

Priyanka February 27, 2023 0 Comments

It’s too much,

Thing after a thing

Drowning in this black hot coffee, not enough

Being in that super-hero suit is not good anymore

Golden liquid doesn’t burn me as it used to.

The smoke coming out of my lungs are a voiceless scream

Living life in break and escape rooms are…well, not living

Holding my breath so I can breathe one day is merely surviving

My shivering frozen heart waiting for you seems like a lifetime

I forgot what is normalcy

Hiding behind the sound of my bluetooth seems exhausting

The dark cozy room fails to provide comfort

Writing about it doesn't vent as it used to

The sound of your voice is lightyear far...

It’s just too much,

Thing after a thing, and a thing

Thursday, 2 February 2023

11 reasons why you should you watch #Pathaan in the theatres. - #ThirstyThursday #ShahRukhKhan

Debdatta Dasgupta February 02, 2023 0 Comments

This post is for the very few people who are sitting on the fence about watching the Pathaan in the theatres.

Fair warning to all: I am an unapologetic Shah Rukh Khan fan and I have been since 1990. So, as a person who has been fangirling through all the phases of his career, I have no qualms about admitting that I am highly biased when it comes to the King Khan.

But, I am also an INFJ who calls a spade a spade. So, trust me when I say that this post will give you the truth.

Watch Pathaan in the theatres if you are a Shah Rukh Khan fan.

A No Brainer. If we go by the Box office collection of Pathaan, I should think that all SRK fans have already checked it out at the theatres. At the same time, I also know that some might be a little apprehensive after the ‘Zero’ experience. Fear not, SRK is hotter than ever, just as charismatic, his screen presence is as enigmatic as ever and he is more grounded in this movie than ever.

Watch Pathaan in the theatres if you are a Deepika Padukone fan.

Oh yes! She is just as amazing. She is looking toned and gorgeous. But more than that, she is not just an eye-candy (as it has been for ages for women in spy action movies). She has quite a bit of action and she rocks it. And I don’t think that I need to talk about her acting skills - it is a given that she is amazing.

Watch Pathaan in the theatres if you like SRK-Deepika chemistry.

There is no out an out romance between SRK-Deepika in Pathaan. Both are agents, who are working towards their goals. Yet, there is something. Their chemistry is only second to SRK-Kajol, and as such it is unavoidable. You’ll love seeing them on-screen together - again!

Watch Pathaan in the theatres if you love John Abraham.

I am NOT a John Abraham fan, yet I enjoyed seeing him onscreen. He looks fitter than ever. And he even manages a few expressions to shock the audience like me {Do you know what I mean?} He is nothing like what he is in Satyameva Jayate 2/3. A different avatar that’s more like OG Dhoom badass - cool and glamorous antagonist.

Watch this movie if you are a Salman Khan fan.

Let’s not even pretend that his cameo is a surprise. It’s been all over the internet for months. And it’s not just a cameo, it is an extended cameo where ‘Karan-Arjun’ do what they do best. Action! Their chemistry together is something to behold, especially now that SRK is stepping up his own action game. Plus the camaraderie and the inside jokes keep you entertained.

For the sake of full disclosure, I have a strong dislike for Salman, and haven’t watched any of his films since ‘Tere Naam’ yet his cameo in the movie made me wonder whether I should go back and watch the two Tiger movies.

Watch Pathaan in the theatres because it is a total fan service movie.

If you haven’t caught up onto it yet, the movie is a vehicle for SRK’s return to big screen. Everything in the movie revolves around how to give more of him to the fans. But also it serves other fans as well - whether John or Deepika or Salman or the mass entertainment lovers. There are multiple ‘Hero-shots’ with 5 seconds of almost nothing going on to give time to the audience to hoot & cheer for their favourite stars (and sometimes a salute to the past). It just will not be the same experience if you have decided to watch it when it comes to OTT in April.

Watch Pathaan in the theatres if you love over the top action.

Did you love the action in MI series, the Fast & Furious movies? Well, Pathaan offers you all the logic defying action scenes - in the air, on the ice, on top of a train - you name it and the movie has it. Indian industry is finally catching up on serious VFX, but it has a way to go still with the budget that Indian movies work with. Also, once again the action scenes are such that it is best when watched on a large screen. It will NOT be the same on tv & tabs.

Watch this movie if you have always wanted a macho spy, but with a vulnerable side.

'Wanted to make SRK the symbol of alpha and machismo!’ Siddharth Anand

When I read this article, I was really shaking my head at Siddharth Anand. Really? Do we really need another spy/action star who just fights, shoots, looks cool doing it and be that ‘mard ko dard nahi hota’ type of hero? Let’s not forget what made SRK the icon of love and romance; in a time when heroes were doing the traditional ’macho’ roles, SRK was showing emotions, crying on screen & helping his ladies in the kitchen.

But Siddharth Anand knew his task well and I say that because he made Pathaan more real than any other spies we have ever known. Pathaan isn’t scared of showing signs of fatigue during fight scenes or asking for time-out in the middle of a fight or shedding a tear. SRK as Pathaan is a new kind of alpha male. He is someone who is willing to stand back and let the girl fight for once or take orders from a woman - and it doesn’t hurt his ego to do so.

This movie is for all those who enjoy spotting easter eggs.

From reference to War, Darr, Karan Arjun… etc, the side effect of the fan service that this movie delivers is that it is littered with references of other films and characters. It was complete fun spotting those through the movie. My personal favourite is of course the Darr reference - it was silly but hilarious.

Pathaan is a mass entertainer that doesn’t pretend to be anything else.

In recent times I have watched so many movies that are so pretentious trying to be serious cinema while giving into Bollywood clichés to ensure that it still appeals to the masses for the sake of box-office collections. Then there have been mass movies that took themselves too seriously and I do not even want to get into all the remakes! Pathaan is none of that. It is a mass entertainer that has been made to service the fans and it doesn’t pretend to be anything else.

Make a statement.

Last, but certainly not the least; it’s probably the most important point on this list. While I was all for the call for ‘Justice for SSR’ at the beginning, we all know that the actual incident is no longer relevant to what certain sections of the society are using the slogans for. I am not even going to use the ‘B’ word because I am tired of being told what to eat, what to wear, where I can or cannot go, what I can and cannot do. Now people are trying to dictate what we watch too. What’s next? Should I be also be told how much oxygen I can breathe in a minute?

Being an SRK fan, I was going to go for first day first show anyway. But this gang made sure that I went with a fan club so that I could just scream, dance & laugh when SRK came on screen and flip off the gangs in my own way.

This negativity has been spreading for a while and I know that I felt like a non-entity and wondered how could someone as small & insignificant as me can make a difference. But now SRK is making a statement (without speaking a word) with this movie that has made the way for a lot of other influential people (who probably feared a backlash) to come out and stand in support of him

Let’s do it - let us go and watch Pathaan and start claiming our basic rights back with this step. It’s no longer just about watching a movie - whether you love or hate the cast & crew or the kind of movie it is - doesn’t matter… It has now become a matter of whether you are going to let people continue to dictate our lives, encourage threats and vandalism in the name of nationalism and whether or not YOU believe that YOU have a right to decide what is right or wrong.

I rest my case. Now it’s your turn to tell me whether you will watch it in the theatres or not. And if you have watched it in the theatres, what was your experience?

Wednesday, 2 November 2022

#PathaanTeaser & #DDLJScreening in one day! - #HappyBirthdayShahRukhKhan @yrf

Debdatta Dasgupta November 02, 2022 0 Comments

What a day it has been for me today.

So, the Pathan Teaser dropped today around 11am and its kind of breaking the internet and drowning out Boycott Bollywood and Boycott Pathan noise - as its should. Have you seen the teaser yet? What did you think?

The first thing that caught my attention was that the narrative at the beginning was almost parallel to Shah Rukh Khan’s life. His last release was ‘Zero’ in 2018 which flopped (still made a profit) and people have been saying a lot of negative things like he is done, his mid-life crisis, etc. But give the man some credit, yes? He has been running the show and taking Bollywood to the world for last 30 years. How many times have people predicted that his reign was coming to an end with the launch of a new hero? And what happened? Nothing - without a single release in 4 years, he is still reigning here.

‘Zinda hai’ is more likely him confirming what us the SRK-ians have been saying all along. He is back and it seems it will be with a bang! With an action packed trailer and him looking better than ever, we are going to have fun. You naysayers can keep saying stuff, it hasn’t mattered to us in the last 30 years, and it won’t matter now.

With ‘War’ as a reference, I am not expecting a good storyline. In fact I am almost expecting a flawed story. At the same time with SRK & Deepika on screen, the acting will be much better than War for sure. And I hope that the action is as good as War if not better. I am excited!

I also had the awesome opportunity to go watch Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge on the screens today. People kept telling me that you have already watched it so many times, why go to the theatres again? Well, I am glad that once again I did not let the naysayers stop me because it was an experience of a lifetime!

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Let me tell you, it’s a weekday and I went for the Noon show not expecting much crowd. But only one man can draw the crowd like that with a 27 year old film. Yes folks, it was housefull! About 95% of the crowd were under 25 and I am pretty sure this was their first time watching DDLJ on a big screen like that. Yet I doubt there was anyone who was watching it for the first time.

The environment was electric - like being in a live concert. People were cheering throughout - not only for the entry scenes but for all the iconic moments of the film. There were people calling out the dialogues in advance and singing and dancing along the songs!

It’s an experience I cannot describe and something I will probably remember for the rest of my life.

Friday, 26 August 2022

#MondayBlogs - Why I refuse to accept anything less than #SRK's brand of #romance

Debdatta Dasgupta August 26, 2022 0 Comments

He needs no introduction… the scrawny guy from Delhi who has entertained us for more than 30 years now. On tv, on big screens, on stage and even at cricket stadiums. A star that has the most ardent following all over the world an has brought multiple generations together. The King Khan. The Badshah of Bollywood. The King of Romance.

As someone born around mid-80s, I have loved Shah Rukh Khan right from Circus and since before I had any understanding of romance. Yet I wished someone would sing ‘Tujhe dekha toh yeh jaana sanam’ for me since my pre-teens and DDLJ has been a constant in my life - I watch it when I am sad and need a mood lift, I watch it when I have something to celebrate and I watch it when I can’t decide what to watch on OTT. I have dreamed of being someone’s Maya, someone’s Zaara, someone’s Mandira, and someone’s Naina. I have cheered for Aryan Khanna, just as enthusiastically as I have cheered for Kabir Khan. I have loved Kali as much as I have loved Jahangir Khan or young Sunil or Don.

In Chennai Express, Rahul is the protector. In Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi, he plays both a dutiful husband and over the top lover - the glass disguise work for Superman then why not ‘apna Raj’? In Jab Tak Hai Jaan, he is the lover who loves Meera the only way he is allowed to while playing the mentor and friend to Akira. In Kal Ho Na Ho, Aman loves Naina so much that he makes the way for Rohit. In Dil Se… he plays the lover who gives his life to stop the love of his life committing a grave mistake. In Pardes, Arjun saves Ganga over and over again while nurturing her. In Harry Met Sejal, yeah I watched that one too, Harry with all his faults does the right thing time and time again.

When I watched Chak De! India, emotions were running manifold. I mean come on, in a country that worshipped men’s cricket team for decades and all but ignored other sports and teams, Chak De! India focused on women’s hockey team. Watching the girls coming together despite all the hurdles was a high in itself. But with SRK playing Kabir Khan, looking all cool and delivering dialogues like, ‘team bananey k like taakat nahi, niyat chahiye,’… was a different high. It helped me look for things in my life that could be influenced to change for better with just intention.

When I watched Swades, I was blown away by SRK’s acting all over again. He did good and he also reinforced my belief in working at the grass root levels to make a change. Not every one of us have the capacity to make a change at a global level. And while Mohan Bhargav was already impacting the world with his work at NASA, coming back to a village in India that was hard to find on a map and working to change those lives… Well, it resonated. Working close to home, making small changes around yourself does have an impact.

Fan ended up being my top favourite movie because his role as Aryan Khanna is almost autobiographical, minus the Gaurav angle. The small moment where he portrays an ageing star worried about the lines marring his features - it is such a fleeting moment in the movie, but I cannot imagine the nerve it must have taken to take the vulnerability of his life and his profession and putting it up on the screens for all to watch… Aryan Khanna is perhaps one of his best performances.

He set the screens on fire with his abs in Dard-e-Disco at 42 and let me tell you as much as I enjoyed watching it on screen, it also made me think that it is never too late to do something you set your mind to. At a time when younger actors were debuting and being compared to SRK (yet again), he stayed rock solid with his stardom and appeared on screen in a new avatar. And he is going to do it again at 56 for Pathan. An actor who claims to be bad at dancing tried his hand at (or should I say legs?!) at hip hop in 2012. Well, at 38… I think I can do too - not because I was told, but because my star showed me that it can be done.

I have to admit, I was probably the only one who left the theatre with tear stained eyes after watching Ram-Jaane and every time I watch Kal Ho Na Ho, my mom consoles me for not being able to save Aman yet again. Yes, I am that kind of a fan when it comes to SRK because he has spoiled me when it comes to romance.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying he is flawless and hasn’t done some toxic things on screen. There is no denying that. And, let us be real, we do not love him because we expect to be romanced while wearing a saree on Swiss mountains, or dance in the rain, or being jet set to Europe for a holiday either.

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We love him because he is an actor who portrays softer and vulnerable characters. He is not the macho guy nor is he the perfectionist. He is the one in between who is giving us the balance that is closer to what we need. He is the actor who decided that if he couldn’t change the pay gap in the industry, he could do what is in his control - make sure that actress’s names appear first on screen giving them the show runner position. He is also the actor who shares a much bigger chunk of screen times with his heroines.

He is the dependable guy who will stand by you and tell you everything you need to know. He is not afraid to wear his heart on his sleeves. He may not be able to beat up anyone who bothers you, but he’ll probably take the beating for you to protect you. He is the one who will treat you like a queen not only while wooing you, but also once you ‘happily ever after’ begins. He’ll earn a living for you or he’ll help you cook and clean depending on what you want from him. He is the guy who will carry your dress’s trail to keep it from getting dirty or to save you from tripping because of it.

Though there are some situations from his movies that does add to the overall idea of his brand of romance - like Raj from DDLJ showed me that I could get rip-roaring drunk in a foreign country and still be safe with the right guy. But the overall brand is much more than the stories… It is what SRK brought to them. Whether it’s that manic love of Rahul in Darr or dreamer Rahul in DTPH - the intensity is in the eyes. Those eyes show the rage, the confusion and the sadness reeling us in to whatever character he is playing. He is rarely the white knight in shining armour... he is the next door boy who would have scraped their knees right alongside you, seen your snots and loved you anyway.

For years, SRK has transported us to a whole different world, with his expressive eyes and sensuous smiles, whenever we watched one of his performances. And that is why even with movies that have disappointed us, we keep going back.

Somewhere along these years I have come to expect that look that says 'I See You', that hand hold that says 'I have your back', those actions that say you 'I Love You' and that presence that promises 'Forever'.

And then when he is off-screen, he is just as charming and that just swoon worthy. You know I am right. The well-read actor behind all these characters just appeal to the bookworm in me. The well-spoken star off-the screen appeals to the introvert person that I am. He changes the energy in any room he walks into. The witty person at interviews woos everyone with his own words.

What I am trying to say is that it is not just his movies. It is what he brings to the characters on screen and the person we see off-screen too. It is the fact that he taught us not only to love and romance, but also to demand respect and learn to dream big dreams. It is not fleeting and it isn’t convenient, but it is the calm and constant through all the uncertainties of life. It’s the complete package... some call it a fantasy and I call it SRK's brand of romance.

It is why I refuse to accept anything less anymore.

Monday, 18 July 2022

#MondayBlogs :: Fantastic Four #Friendships #Tribe

Debdatta Dasgupta July 18, 2022 1 Comments

Sometimes you meet a person and you just click—you’re comfortable with them, like you’ve known them your whole life, and you don’t have to pretend to be anyone or anything. - Unknown

It was a sunny December morning. We (I am my husband) took our daughter to her new school. She was about to start her offline school after 1.5 years, and I was worried.

VANI:

We drop off our daughter and then I saw her. Just like me, messy hair, cotton Kurti, no makeup and a worried face. I went to her and started talking. She told me her daughter also goes to the same class as my daughter. And we started talking.
I still remember the thing she told me the very first time we meet…’I am a chatterbox”. And I was like, me too. And the epic chatting marathon started. Vani, is a true friend and an amazing mother.

MANJEERA:

While going to school to drop off and pick up my daughter, I came across a lot of other parents and teachers, who are constantly talking about this girl Name Nyaomi and how naughty she is.
My reaction was why the hell, everybody is gossiping about a 4-year-old. A child’s job description is to be naughty, why do we even expect anything else (read #OpenLetter to Nyaomi).
I deliberately wanted to meet her mother, Manjeera and I did. My first impression was, that she is so educated yet so humble. We became friends, just like that. We talked a lot about how Nyaomi is, and I constantly told her, I was also terribly naughty. Like any other mother, she was worried sick as everyone is constantly judging a 4-year-old with the parameter of an adult.

KARISHMA:

Here comes the beauty queen. We were going to a marriage function and I saw her in my building lift. We talked for a bit as her son and my daughter are the same age, and they live in the same building. We decided to organize a play date for the kids.
The very next day, she brought me some sambar, wearing shorts. My reaction was…. you wear shorts… a gale lag ja (It’s a long story, read: You are a slut).

Her son, Bunny is the Magic Jappi of our group.

I really don’t remember how and when we all (Vani, Manjeera, Karishma & I) became friends.

It is so difficult to get like minded people and I got three of them.

We are a crazy bunch, shouting, yelling, sometimes crying also, and always in the mood for a party.

We love our Chole Kulcha, especially me and Vani and while Karishma is on diet, and cursing us.

We had multiple parties, dramas, children fighting, crying, making peace, ladies complaining about our husbands, gifts and so much more.

I can’t thank you guys are enough for being there for me, not judging me for my craziness.

You guys are the precious gems that I found when I was not even looking, and I was apprehensive to form any kind of bond. You guys showed me that I shouldn’t lose hope to make new friends because of some bad experiences.

And the best thing about us is that we are not like some mothers who are constantly making their kids compete with each other. We understand that every child has their own strength and weakness and as a group, we cherish and encourage that.

This is a very rare quality to be found in today’s world, especially when some parents asked me what is my daughter’s rank in the playgroup exam.

I would like to give a glimpse of our WhatsApp chat:

Vani:

To all the kids I thank you to make me enjoy the child within me
I so much need bunny’s hug, Nyaomi’s energy, And Advika’s unconditional love
If it was not for them, I don’t think I would have ever met anyone.
The three months will be the best for making me fall in love with this city
And to trust in friends again

Manjeera:
Yes true. All thanks to our ❤️ly piyu (that’s me)

Vani:
To Priyanka, I credit you for being the skeleton of this group. Manjeera is the blood to energise it. Karishma gives the neuro electric spark to add a vibe.
Don’t mind my biology.
Am probably the hormones which keep the group sane or insane.

Me:
Please keep the compliments flowing, especially about me.

Karishma:
I am late as usual (That is the thing, she didn’t reply)

Currently, we are in different parts of India, however, I know, I can call them anytime and pick up where we left off.

I can all them my friends for life.

I miss you guys like hell, I miss our parties, I miss the support you provided to me, and helped me in so many ways.

Every one of you has a unique and a genuine soul. I thank God for all of you and the time we spent together.

LOVE YOU GUYS.

As Helen Keller rightly said,
I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.

Thursday, 30 June 2022

#RestaurantReview :: Veneto Kitchen & Bar #Food #FoodBlog

Debdatta Dasgupta June 30, 2022 0 Comments

Piu & I were in the same city together after a long time. So, we decided to catch up over some food & drinks!

Note: This is not a sponsored post. We paid for our own food & drinks there. This post is not influenced in anyway.

Piu & I met up late afternoon at South City Mall with nothing specific on the agenda, but to catch up on the latest in each other's life. We spent some time at the food court with coffee and then went on a window shopping spree. All the walking around made us a bit hungry and we decided to walk into Veneto Kitchen & Bar.

The restaurant has beautiful decor and feels very inviting immediately. That's what attracted us to the restaurant in the first place. The seating arrangement did feel a bit close, but the music playing in the background does give some semblance of privacy to the diners.

Italian Smooch White Wine Sangria

Since, it was after the usual lunch time and before the expected dinner rush, we were seated immediately and menus were handed to us. We decided to start with drinks. I ordered an 'Italian Smooch' mocktail while Piu ordered a 'White wine Sangria'

As we decided on our food, the staff were really helpful in helping us decide. We both were interested in trying 'Patate Al Forno Due Volte' but the dish comes with pesto sauce and I am not particularly fond of pesto. The staff member suggested that we get the pesto separately, that way I can have the dish without pesto and Piu can have with it.

Patate Al Forno Due Volte (as in the pic above) is - twice baked potatoes stuffed with ratatouille parmesan cheese and pesto sauce.

I like it even though without the sauce, the dish tasted a bit dry. So, I cannot really fault it. Other than the dryness, the dish was perfectly spiced and tasty.

The winning dish for us was - Vino Bianco.

Vino Bianco is chicken marinated in white wine, cooked with fresh morrel with chilli and garlic, served with garlic bread. Both Pui & I love garlic in our food, and it can never be too much for us. But this dish was perfection. Especially the chicken - it was exactly done and was quite juicy. It was a total delight.

For us though the best aspect of the whole experience was the staff who were friendly, helpful and always around without making us feel crowded. We sat there, enjoyed chit-chatting and enjoyed our food without feeling rushed and well care for.

I would totally recommend this place for a nice meal and a pleasant time.

Veneto Kitchen & Bar
South City Mall, Prince Anwar Shah Road, Kolkata
Timings: 12noon – 11:30pm

Monday, 23 May 2022

#MondayBlogs - #OpenLetter Dear Nayomi

Priyanka May 23, 2022 0 Comments

Dear Nayomi,

Hope you are doing well.

By the time you will be mature enough to understand this letter, I don’t think, you will even remember me. However, that is not going to stop me from writing to you today.

I hope your mom reads this letter to you or lets you read it by yourself when you are old enough to understand.

I know it seems weird to believe for kids that their parents were also their age once. Like you, I was a five-year-old girl once... lost, clueless and unable to communicate properly, desperately looking for a cocoon.

However, I didn’t get it. What I did get was criticism (not constructive), labels (in the 90s, most people did not know what to call someone who was different. So they just called me problematic, crazy, mad, etc...), and last but not the least, shame and guilt.

People drove my mother crazy with such talks, and most of the time they came from so-called family members and well-wishers.

I feel so much pain to admit this, but my mother was not able to cope with the immense criticism for her daughter, especially, when her elder daughter was the so-called good girl. Hence, what I received from her is beating, shaming and criticism.

And because my mother did this to me, I had no other option than to believe that I was problematic.

This all killed the creative, imaginative kid, and gave born to a very insecure child. And what I did to hide that insecurity, was be naughtier, reject all forms of institutionalised education, try to find comfort in my pain and tell myself I am not good.

It took me a lot of time (around 15 years), to come to terms with my uniqueness, my creativity, and the beauty of my imagination. I accept the fact that I am not like most other people and I love that about myself. And I have people in my life who love me because of all the things that make me different.

I am not ashamed or guilty to be myself. I am straightforward, blunt and have the guts to tell someone the truth to their face.

AND, I will not accept anything less than someone who accepts me unconditionally.

You are very young my dear.

Don’t let those bullies get the best of you, embrace your creativity, and don’t hide behind aggression and aloofness to mask your insecurities.

You have been criticized for things that are not wrong, like the way you sit and talk. You are from a multilingual family, and it is normal for kids from such families to speak a little late as they are coping with two or more languages.

People who criticize you do not want a child, they want a puppet to control and you are no one’s marionette.

I know for sure, that one day you will overcome all this. Embrace your choices, and move towards what makes you happy. You are blessed with an amazing mother who is trying her best to give you the childhood you deserve.

Be you Nayomi, be the best version of you.

With Lots of Love and Affection,

Piu Aunty

Monday, 9 May 2022

#MondayBlogs - You are too sensitive!

Debdatta Dasgupta May 09, 2022 1 Comments

Have you ever been told - ‘You are too sensitive’ by people you consider as friends and family? That you over-react to things and situations?

If your answer is yes, then this post is for you.

If you have said it to someone close to you, then this post is for you too!

I went into therapy after I separated from my husband to be able to manage my depression, hyper anxiety and panic attacks. And man, did that open a pandora’s box. I discovered that I am an empath. That is also when someone told me that it is not good to be an empath because empaths give too much of themselves to and for others. That I should seek therapy to learn how to ‘turn it off’. And seek did I… Not to learn to ‘turn it off’ but to understand it.

Granted, why I am an empath doesn’t have a glamorous backstory to it. In fact it is downright sad. But what I now say is, Empathy is my super power, and no super hero ever had an origin story filled with rainbows and unicorns, neither is mine.

Being an empath means that I feel strongly and deeply. Not only that, I also absorb the energies around me, whether positive or negative, and often lock it in my body. At first, it was extremely difficult for me to understand what part of what I am feeling is my own and what part of it is something I am picking up from the people around. I struggle with that still, but I am trying to learn to control it, so that I do not have to feel overwhelmed and exhausted all the time.

It took me a lot of therapy to understand that being able to feel deeply and strongly is not a sign of weakness. My feelings and emotions are my own and nobody has the right to tell me what to feel or how to feel or how much to feel.

In the past have been told that I am too sensitive and that I over-react far too many times.

Sometimes from a well meaning friend who wished me well, but mostly from people trying to gaslight me (and succeeding) in order to avoid taking a look at their own actions. To the point where I started taking it as a personal character flaw and beat myself over it till I was exhausted. I started wondering if it would be so much better if I did not care at all.

That is, till I was was prescribed anti-depressants and I spent a week feeling nothing.

When I am happy, I feel that strongly too. I laugh. I dance. I celebrate and I am loud. Nobody complains then or tell me that I am over reacting… because everyone loves to have a good time. Yet, when I feel sad or hurt or betrayed, I am told I am being too sensitive and over reacting because it is too much work to even consider that I am human, I have a heart, may be hurt and I have a right to feel however I feel.

Photo Credit: Brighter Places

If you are someone who has told people that they are too sensitive, take a moment and consider… why does it bother you that someone cares and feels?

Take a moment to stop and think what you are really doing by invalidating someone’s feelings.

I want you to think why do YOU feel the need to invalidate someone else’s feelings and what does it actually do for YOU?

Chances are that you are avoiding to take a look at you own behaviour or statements.
Chances are that the sensitive person in your life is absorbing your energies and putting it back up as a mirror to you.

Chances are that you are the one who doesn’t have the capacity to understand what you are putting the other person through.

Maybe, it is time for you to take a look inward rather than outward.

For those of you who have been told these gaslighting statements, remember that empathy is not a bad thing. Being sensitive is not a problem that needs to be cured. We need more of it in the world - the feelings, the understanding and the want to help instead of stone cold indifference & destruction.

If someone says these things to you, look at it for what they are. BIG RED FLAGS. The person saying these things maybe saying these to make you doubt yourself so that their actions are not closely looked at. They may even be manipulating you unknowingly - but that is what it is in the bottomline - manipulation.

Being a sensitive person in today’s world is a blessing to the rest of the population. We understand exactly. We care. And we are human.

So, next time someone tells you that you are too sensitive… own it ‘coz you feel and care when others don’t. That makes you a much better person. We could all do with more understanding and sensitivity!

Monday, 25 April 2022

#MondayBlogs :: Have you ever been a tourist in your own city?

Debdatta Dasgupta April 25, 2022 2 Comments

I was born and raised (for most parts) in Kolkata. Yet, I did not know that Jorasanko Thakur Bari, the ancestral home of the Tagore family, was just an hour away from my home. I have never been to Kumartuli or to the Marble House Palace.

Yeah, we tend to take it easy, thinking we have all the time in the world to explore these places as they are so close to home. Do we though?

As someone who spent a good part of her life in Kurseong & Darjeeling for school & college… The hills are my second home. Yet, the first time I rode the Toy Train was in my final year of college when my group of friends made it a part of our day out. Joy rides on the Toy Train was what tourists do, not locals! Yet I had never been to Gangamaya Park or Rock Garden or Batasia Loop. I had never been to the Dali Monastery or Ghoom Monastery or Tinchuley Village. Till date I have not ridden the North Point Ropeway which a stones throw away from where I lived for 3 years during my college days.

Last year, when I came to Darjeeling, it was after 13 long years and it took a friend visiting from Siliguri for me to finally visit the Gangamaya Park and the Rock Garden. I was surprised how near it was and sad that I had not visited those places before. Since pandemic wasn’t over yet back then, I did not venture out of the town much.

This year though I have made it a point of going out on most Sundays and visit places that I haven’t been to and some places that I wanted to revisit. So far I have been to Lamahatta, Mangpoo, Mirik, Kurseong and finally made a trip to the Dali Monastery and Batasia Loop.

Each of the places I have visited, whether on my own or with someone, has surprised me and I kept asking myself, why the hell I hadn’t visited these places before. Limited finances of student life did come to mind, but we spend hundreds in a day to watch a movie and splurged on cold drinks and popcorns - amount of money that would have been sufficient to travel to these places in those days.

Beautiful eco park, serene little hilly village, and popular tourist traps - but they all had breathtaking views and a serenity that I love but miss in my city life. To take a day and be out in the nature was refreshing.

Now you may say, ‘but DD, I live in a metro/city and it’s all a concrete jungle, where do I find nature here?’

Well, I know I will try and visit the places I have lived an hour away from all my life but literally had no idea of their existence before when I go back to Kolkata. A museum, an author’s birth place, a zoo… whatever it is, I encourage you to go out and be a tourist in your own city. See the places you haven’t been to - unless you do you will not know what you are missing (or not missing). Try to see them from an outsider’s point of view. If nothing else, it will break the monotony of your routined lifestyle. The shopping malls, the movie theatres and the restaurants are not going anywhere.

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